a moment of catharsis (really???)
hello ppl!
1st of all, thanx paik yin, i think i should advertise my blog link right in this very post. it's http://babblesnramblings.blogspot.com
like ghafir, i'm also new into all these blogging stuff, so i guess i'll take it slowly & gently at a time..
hmm....
how should i start???
after all the evaluation conundrums (shall i just ditch the word evaluation & just call it frantic self-check???) we all went thru (or maybe it was just me??i bet everyone's feeling the same ya), i realise tht it takes more than just plain jump off the cliff...it depends on each & every individual on how they confront/handle the situation (or tension, rather).
as for me, i realise tht i can indulge into something very, very, VERY DEEPLY & i personally find it dificult 2 let go of things/memories until i realise i need 2 move on. i'm saying this because i felt a big pang after the individual "self-check". i also said this because i've always been paranoia of my own shadows so bad tht i feel rejected by the social in some peculiar manner-sort of 'i'm physically in the group but my brain/emotions don't belong in the group' feeling.
i did mention to square why i didn't do much acting during my "U" days. i told him i feel easily frustrated if i don't fulfill the character's "body & emotion"...well, here's my answer. i'm afraid to indulge/attach deeply into characters tht partially represents my TRUE emotions; i'm afraid 2 let all the skeletons in my closet out & i let them haunt me the rest of my entire life!! scary, isn't it?
in my opinion, i feel tht it's high time 4 me to face the real me & carry on with my life...the evaluation was more than an evaluation 2 me; it's was a reality check on myself & my emotions. now i feel less paranoid...hopefully i'll be a better person in times 2 come.
btw, 4 ghafir & victor:
when rey said i really blew him away with my lines "Go wash yourself", wht did he mean by tht?? i'm just curious & i'm all ears 2 knw. pls. comment on tht, thanx.
ok, enough scaring everybody on this blog...sorry guys, but i just got 2 let these out coz this is wht i felt aft. the evaluation thingy... & my graditudes 2 sums & ghafir 4 baby-sitting me aft. the session...i can't express anything more than THANK YOU. & the chakra exercise held aft. the evaluation really helped me a lot into stabilizing my energy & emotions inside. i think i i've not participated in the exercise, i'll be more & more unstable, paranoid to the core coz i'll start 2 think wht others will think of me etc, etc, etc. & I"LL NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT TIL I GO NUTS!!!
>phew!!<
1st of all, thanx paik yin, i think i should advertise my blog link right in this very post. it's http://babblesnramblings.blogspot.com
like ghafir, i'm also new into all these blogging stuff, so i guess i'll take it slowly & gently at a time..
hmm....
how should i start???
after all the evaluation conundrums (shall i just ditch the word evaluation & just call it frantic self-check???) we all went thru (or maybe it was just me??i bet everyone's feeling the same ya), i realise tht it takes more than just plain jump off the cliff...it depends on each & every individual on how they confront/handle the situation (or tension, rather).
as for me, i realise tht i can indulge into something very, very, VERY DEEPLY & i personally find it dificult 2 let go of things/memories until i realise i need 2 move on. i'm saying this because i felt a big pang after the individual "self-check". i also said this because i've always been paranoia of my own shadows so bad tht i feel rejected by the social in some peculiar manner-sort of 'i'm physically in the group but my brain/emotions don't belong in the group' feeling.
i did mention to square why i didn't do much acting during my "U" days. i told him i feel easily frustrated if i don't fulfill the character's "body & emotion"...well, here's my answer. i'm afraid to indulge/attach deeply into characters tht partially represents my TRUE emotions; i'm afraid 2 let all the skeletons in my closet out & i let them haunt me the rest of my entire life!! scary, isn't it?
in my opinion, i feel tht it's high time 4 me to face the real me & carry on with my life...the evaluation was more than an evaluation 2 me; it's was a reality check on myself & my emotions. now i feel less paranoid...hopefully i'll be a better person in times 2 come.
btw, 4 ghafir & victor:
when rey said i really blew him away with my lines "Go wash yourself", wht did he mean by tht?? i'm just curious & i'm all ears 2 knw. pls. comment on tht, thanx.
ok, enough scaring everybody on this blog...sorry guys, but i just got 2 let these out coz this is wht i felt aft. the evaluation thingy... & my graditudes 2 sums & ghafir 4 baby-sitting me aft. the session...i can't express anything more than THANK YOU. & the chakra exercise held aft. the evaluation really helped me a lot into stabilizing my energy & emotions inside. i think i i've not participated in the exercise, i'll be more & more unstable, paranoid to the core coz i'll start 2 think wht others will think of me etc, etc, etc. & I"LL NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT TIL I GO NUTS!!!
>phew!!<
2 Comments:
i'll tell u this much. that bit rey was talking about... it felt so real. i got kinda creeped out in fact. but good job nevertheless.
n ure welcome. anytime.
> i did mention to square why i didn't do much acting during my "U" days. i
> told him i feel easily frustrated if i don't fulfill the character's "body &
> emotion"...well, here's my answer. i'm afraid to indulge/attach deeply into
> characters tht partially represents my TRUE emotions; i'm afraid 2 let all the
> skeletons in my closet out & i let them haunt me the rest of my entire life!!
> scary, isn't it?
I think most people have a similar peeve. It's scary, no doubt, yet at the same time, its beautiful: because it is real. It is truth.
I personally am quite the other extreme. I find it easier to indulge/attach into a character that represents what I am or feel. I love digging down to that bottomless pit that is my soul to reassure myself that it is not devoid of emotions, of feeling; that my soul does have nuances, be it anger, sadness, confusion or glee.
> in my opinion, i feel tht it's high time 4 me to face the real me & carry on
> with my life...the evaluation was more than an evaluation 2 me; it's was a
> reality check on myself & my emotions. now i feel less paranoid...hopefully i'll
> be a better person in times 2 come.
I am very glad that the evaluation brought upon such a carthatic effect for you - you're not the only one I'm sure. On another note, I am more glad to know that the YA program has so far been productive.
Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't not be as well. If that makes sense. Frantic self-checks are part and parcel to improving yourself and getting better, as an actor, or as a person.
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