ollie's crazy family

installment 1.

scene: kitchen
characters: mum, ollie.

mum is making lil sister's sandwiches for school. ollie comes into kitchen for food.

mum: even this mayonnaise is finished. i only got it not long ago, i've never seen it finish before.

ollie: what, you've only bought one jar of mayonnaise in 20 years?

mum: no, but i only got it a while ago...

mum looks for expiry date. ollie eats bun while looking at mum looking for expiry date.

mum: ooh look...it says, use by september (mad laughing) ...two thousand and....(continued hysterics)...four!

ollie: (laughs madly)

mum: oh well.

wanna hear something else?
ok, so we're checkin out other stuff in the fridge right, and my mum pulls out this bag of raisins. she says that my dad found them and him and my sis were scoffing em earlier, she tells me to look see when they expire. so i look. and laugh my arse off. cos it says "use by october 2003". my mum is also laughing. i'm like "then why the hell did you put them back in the fridge?" and she says "cos your dad is gonna come in here in 5 minutes and start looking for them, and im gonna have to tell him that they've been chucked and he'll start moaning." go figure.

a year ago when i came home i found something in the fridge that was 2 years past its use-by date. the lower down the fridge shelves you went, the older the stuff was. national lampOONs.