Journal Entry 05.06.03

Good Morning. As usual, I'm writing yesterday's entry today... Yesterday was a remarkable day, i.e. this is going to be a long entry.

Feeling guilty for not reading Antigone, I sat myself down at the library at 10.30am yesterday to try doing so. An hour an a half later, I had finished reading the play, introduction and preface and was searching the library for more books on Antigone (of which I found two other translations, slightly different...) I actually did it! I actually did work beforehand!

Just before class began, Suresh came and sat next to me. I naturally asked whether he had finished reading the play and he replied no, cause its disgusting. My Indian Princess' voice was sounding in my head: "Don't ask. Don't bother. Don't get yourself bogged down by it." But I asked. I asked him why he said so... and so began a ten minute long preaching exercise, of which some of the things I said must have been quite offensive (against his personal beliefs). I shall try very hard not to do so anymore. Indian Princess' right to a certain extent. No point getting myself worked up over someone else in a bid to 'show' the person another perspective, not like I always do.

But Suresh intrigues me more day by day. I feel his awkwardness and that he is not comfortable with learning what is being taught, yet still curious about it, albeit he might be under economic and emotional duress to do so.

Class started and it was a nice class. I seemed to be the only one who finished reading the play. That felt good. Anyway, we watched a version of the play on the telly and wow, it was different, in content, themes, motives and staging. Alternative staging. Quite engaging actually. But more about that in another entry, there is something more important to talk about now. Two quite different things actually.

Firstly, I've begun to revert to an annoying, insecure little bastard again. But I'm trying not too. It's just a bad habit I have, jealousy. Compound that with paranoia and you get me. I must, just must get myself screwed right again in the head. Or I just might drive the Indian Princess away. I will get out of this. I swear.

That aside, I watched a play last night called Musical Chairs; more of a workshop performance/showcase actually. And I've had several revelations.

I really, really want to pursue performing arts. I know now how much it means to me. But I will still complete my Law degree. Also, (I never thought I would actually say this, but...) I will come back when I'm done in the UK. I will. The Malaysian scene is developing and I really want to be a part of it. I feel at home here. I've decided to make Shorts II the last production the company will have till I'm back, unless there is someone experienced who's willing to guide Prabu, Sums and gang. And when I come back, I'm going to speak to Jo Kukathas if I can. And perhaps do the Diploma course in Sunway if I can afford it. Wonder if there are scholarships.

The other projects will go on of course, as well as the website, which should be up in 3-4 months.

Malaysia. I'll be back. And when I do, you will feel it though you're numb, see it though you're blind and hear it though you're deaf and dumb!

Journal Entry 04.06.03

Its begun. My laziness is starting to set in and this time around, my Indian Princess isn't on the same course as well to kick my butt when I laze around.

I've not read Sophocles' Antigone yet, and am beginning to develop a habit to write today's journal tomorrow, or more precisely, yesterday's journal today.

Anyhow... I had great fun at class today which focused on theatre games to illustrate the importance of self-observation. Most of the games I had already played before so I didn't feel too awkward at it. Some of the class felt so I think. Not to be mean but I think Suresh felt uncomfortable.

We started with a get to know me and you session: name, why the course and something nobody in the room knows about you. The first two things were simple, but when it came to the latter, wow, most of the class was hesitant to speak. I on the other hand, had it all mapped up in my little brain but just as I was feeling safe and confident, Rey kinda crumbled it and there I was blushing and lying through my teeth with a lame lame sentence: "I woke up at ten this morning." How boring I am. Why could'nt it be something true and exciting like "I survived a car crash three years ago!" or "I was robbed and tied up while staying over at a friend's house in 2000!" or "I know I'm strictly heterosexual but sometimes still check out guys!" Sheesh.

I really should read Woolf's Orlando. For some unknown reason, Tiresias intrigues me, but Orlando seems to be an improved version of him. Heck, for that matter, I really should start reading more stuff. It's been so long since I've read something good properly. Hmm... if only I knew where my Sesame Street Books are....

After the introduction session, we were instructed to walk around the room, feeling the space. I love doing this. Then, we played Tag. As we played, new instructions like stop, freeze (incorporating interesting positions) were introduced. Strangely, I didn't feel like I became a six year old again, but was consciously still of my current age unlike some of the class. I must have really never had a proper childhood and the deprivation is so severe that I can't even try reliving it.

Then came the interesting bit, slow motion tag. It was wow. I felt and was so focused that everything around me kinda evaporated. Not very good if its teamwork that we're looking for but at that time, it was me that I was more concerned about. I realized how my self-consciousness doesn't bug me when I'm fully focused. More Matrix-like moves followed and after sometime, Rey directed us to freeze and gave instructions for non-avoidance, increased physical contact, violence and lastly, a slow motion re-enactment of what I felt was a modern day, gory, violent, frenzied orgy at a Festival of Dionysus -- just that this time around, the women weren't just having fun. They became pest exterminators. What's strange is how I thought they were rather unwise. Kill all the men. Kill themselves too. D-oh. Procreation without men? On a slightly sexual-fantasising mode, I wondered what it would be like to be the last man on Earth. Biblical! Satisfying too! Rock On!!!!!

Good, I'm still capable (sometimes) of outbursts of testestorone.

One of my observations during the session was that the group was quite distinctly divided into two groups -- people who take risks and people who don't. Such is life I supposed. I started off being the latter than realised it was boring and swore allegiance to the God of Risks (if there is one).

Before class ended, we played the game of "throwing the ball at each other". It was nice and easy. I said Fuck (the first in class!! WOWW!!!) Lame-rz unite!

I have a very stupid brain. One thing stuck out like a sore thumb (and invariably it would be something really trivial and dumb). Rey said something about not wanting us to write in the journals so as to please him, but just write. I couldn't help but wander off at the paradoxical quality of his instruction. What Rey really wants is for us to please him in our journal by not aiming to please him in our journal.

Told you I was dumb.

Antigone awaits.

Journal Entry 03.06.03

It's actually the morning of 04.06.03 but I'll just write something for yesterday anyway. Something short, but substantially disturbing.

The day was quite alright, woke up, had breakfast with my Indian Princess at Rocky's at Bangsar and then dropped her at HELP Institute. I then went to Education Ventures Sdn Bhd to sort out the Speech & Drama project payments and enquire about the probability of the program surviving beyond pilot year. The response was encouraging.

A little after noon, I was at Sunway College. Had a very nice lunch with Rey and managed to discuss 'Placebo' with him. Then went to sort out my library card application and took a good long tour of the library. Man, that library is heaven! Made a mental note to start living in the library.

Class started at two and wow. It was good. Could see that Rey was getting a little fatigued near the end but he still managed to make the entire three hour session most interesting. Had a basic introduction to "What is theatre?" and a brief overview of Classical theatre. Most memorable was the discussion on "What is culture?"

Getting to the point, I had a rehearsal with Prabu at 7.30 pm and it was very demoralizing. First of all, he was late. Secondly, he didn't have his scripts. Thirdly, he didn't do any homework before coming. Fourthly, he is the weakest amongst the "Shorts II" cast in terms of theoretical training and techniques, which I know he is uncomfortable with.

To be fair, the chap has been through a tough one month, what with the car accident and mother's ill health. Completely understandable. Which is why I relieved him of most of his duties as producer for the show. But still, the show's less than one month away. And he's far from even starting to be ready.

We did a little voice exercise and he just couldn't focus. So I stopped and talked to him, made him promise he'll buck up by Friday and sent him home.

Time's running out. But teamwork's still lacking.

Journal Entry 02.06.03

Part I

I hate writing. I just find it a pain. Not that I don’t like composing, just that I don’t like writing; you know, with a pen and a paper – which is why I’ve decided to have this journal typewritten and blogged onto http://www.victoriantheatre.com/why_square/journal.html.

I’ve never had the persistence or patience to log my daily life, but since the only thing constant in life is change, I shall give it a go.

This will be the very first entry into the very first journal of my life. So bear with me if I’m not an entertaining read. Can’t blame me. Inherent character flaw.

I woke up at seven thirty. Okay, eight twenty-five. I left my dear Indian Princess and the apartment at quarter to nine anticipating an hour long battle with the rest of the motorist on the Federal Highway. They chickened out and I got to Sunway College in less than twenty minutes.

After a big bowl of hot porridge and my daily dose of cold Ribena, the drink of Champions, I headed up to the “Top”, as Rey calls it. Met Anne James and one of my two course-mates, Suresh: Food Technologist, 24, bored of work, quit job to pursue the ever enticing romantic notion of becoming Shah Rukh Khan. Don’t quite agree with the last bit, but heck, to each his own. right? Shah Rukh Khan, Jacky Chan, Edward Norton… What’s the big difference, right?

Sadly, Rey informed us that the quota was not achieved and we were not going to start the two non-credit modules as hoped. After a rather interesting and refreshing conversation about theatre, Asian parents, modern education and the sort, we then headed down to the cafeteria for Rey offered to buy us food and/or drinks to make up for the cancellation. Suresh was strangely quiet during the conversation. Perhaps he was uncomfortable. Question is, with what – the company or the issues?

Something struck me during the cafeteria session – Rey offered to buy us drinks and Suresh answered, “Coffee, please…” or something like that. That disturbed me. I thought he should have at least went with Rey to get the coffee, not wait to be served, especially not by one’s lecturer who’s so much more senior, in age and experience. Perhaps it’s just me.

Shortly after, my other course-mate arrived (she had mistakenly thought the class was at 10.30 am) – Arianne: 20, Chinese, majoring in vocals with a little Piano work on the side, to be performing as part of an opera chorus at Istana Budaya in July. Interesting.

Anne then left us and Rey proceeded to give us a grand tour of Sunway College, as well as the food joints outside the campus and the car repair workshops, just in case. Man, it was HOT!

11.40 am-ish and Rey dismisses us saying that we are to meet on “Top” at 2.00 pm. Suresh, Arianne and myself then went to the Student Service Centre to basically sit and wait. And wait. And wait.

I hate waiting too.

Well, we tried ‘bonding’, but I kinda felt uncomfortable to go beyond the usual “A meets B and C” boundary. Don’t know why. Actually, I think I do. But let’s not get into that now.

To kill time, I basically called every single Tom, Samantha, Manikam, Ali, Ah Kow, and Thabo Meli (Criminal Law influence) I knew, trying to find us the vital fourth person. Not very successful, except for Salmah, but that failed too.

Noon came and Suresh and I went to get some lunch at the cafeteria. Had a lively conversation with Shao Siang (a friend) about investments, the economy and the sort. Li Yen’s (another friend) quite right. He does have rather simplistic and positive views on pretty much everything. Pity he’s trying to be 29 when he’s only 20. I am such a hypocrite.

At 2.00 pm, we entered the “Top” once more and was given the usual “first-lesson, hello how are you?” talk by Rey who told us about the course outline and requirements (this journal having special emphasis in the module). We were also informed that we were culpable of ‘devirginizing’ the Theatre. Nice.

Since the Western Michigan University (“WMU”) contingent was not present, Rey suggested to us to watch an Instant Café Theatre (“ICT”) rehearsal. I was kicked. Half an hour later, we were walking up the steps to the second floor of Top Hat Restaurant, into the ICT sanctum.

Part II

Familiar faces I saw as I entered – Pat Lu, Grace, Nell Ng, Patrick Teoh, Farah, Sean Ghazi, Jo Kukathas, Soefira Jaafar, Andre D’Cruz etc. Cool.

The rehearsal had already started and I sat quietly, watched and scribbled notes. These were some of my observations:
~ Jo is very calm and composed (and attentive) when directing;
~ Sean Ghazi is a very talented actor;
~ Farah is an amazing actress;
~ Sitting on the floor is not my forte and hurts my body;
~ The actors were all dressed extraordinarily sloppy, I mean, comfortably;
~ The room is not very large but the yellow paint is very attractive;
~ Sean’s character, Jacob, in the play is a fucking prick who’s also a mama’s boy that believes in the rather bastardly doctrine of male chauvinism;
~ Farah’s portrayal of Deso, an Indonesian domestic helper is so vivid it hurts;
~ Soefira is rather amusing fighting flies all through the play;
~ The white guy playing William has a very strong and powerful voice that is completely different when he’s talking normal conversations;
~ Nell Ng is indeed a very sexy and captivating lady;
~ Jacob has some very nice lines, one being “…the help helps, not gets help…” – simple but effective;
~ Andre still amazes me like he always did with his humbleness; etc.

After the rehearsal, Jo opened a Q & A session for all. I started the ball rolling asking about the flies. I noticed that Jo is very accepting of criticisms and comments but somehow feel that it is just a façade. She knows better than to listen to every single Tom, Dick and Harry. I really like the way she ‘ran’ the rehearsal. A far cry from the way I run mine. Quite different.

Many questions, comments, answers, criticisms and clarifications were made. At the end of it, this is what I felt and remember about it:
~ The script is rather complex, having many layers yet not too much to befuddle a person;
~ The ending is an exemplary display of Irony in action (likened to Ibsen’s Doll House by Rey and Jo);
~ I really like Deso’s character, especially how she is portrayed by Farah;
~ I am fascinated by the interplay between Jacob and Deso, especially how the latter at times mirrors the former;
~ In place of crap, Jo decided to use plungers – rather wise;
~ No one really knows who is Andre’s character;
~ The script works really well because it is packed with strong characters having good lines and a strangely uncomfortable notion that everyone is a “foreigner”, local or otherwise;
~ That power can be portrayed either with force or without, and that the latter seems more menacing than the former – the power of the unsaid and undone; etc.

Ghafir Akbar then came in and we were about to wrap up. Before I left, I took the opportunity to do what Rey suggested earlier – tell Jo how she’s one of the primary reasons why I enjoy theatre so much – except I did so in person rather through e-mail. Her response? “Sorry, what’s your name?” Oh well… I’m still very far from her as a theatre activist.

After giving a lift to Arianne to Sungai Wang, I then proceeded back home to my apartment and my Indian Princess… The rest is, well, private.

That’s all for this entry. It’s taken me an hour and a half almost. I’ve enjoyed it, surprisingly. Till tomorrow…