Journal Entry 05.06.03

Good Morning. As usual, I'm writing yesterday's entry today... Yesterday was a remarkable day, i.e. this is going to be a long entry.

Feeling guilty for not reading Antigone, I sat myself down at the library at 10.30am yesterday to try doing so. An hour an a half later, I had finished reading the play, introduction and preface and was searching the library for more books on Antigone (of which I found two other translations, slightly different...) I actually did it! I actually did work beforehand!

Just before class began, Suresh came and sat next to me. I naturally asked whether he had finished reading the play and he replied no, cause its disgusting. My Indian Princess' voice was sounding in my head: "Don't ask. Don't bother. Don't get yourself bogged down by it." But I asked. I asked him why he said so... and so began a ten minute long preaching exercise, of which some of the things I said must have been quite offensive (against his personal beliefs). I shall try very hard not to do so anymore. Indian Princess' right to a certain extent. No point getting myself worked up over someone else in a bid to 'show' the person another perspective, not like I always do.

But Suresh intrigues me more day by day. I feel his awkwardness and that he is not comfortable with learning what is being taught, yet still curious about it, albeit he might be under economic and emotional duress to do so.

Class started and it was a nice class. I seemed to be the only one who finished reading the play. That felt good. Anyway, we watched a version of the play on the telly and wow, it was different, in content, themes, motives and staging. Alternative staging. Quite engaging actually. But more about that in another entry, there is something more important to talk about now. Two quite different things actually.

Firstly, I've begun to revert to an annoying, insecure little bastard again. But I'm trying not too. It's just a bad habit I have, jealousy. Compound that with paranoia and you get me. I must, just must get myself screwed right again in the head. Or I just might drive the Indian Princess away. I will get out of this. I swear.

That aside, I watched a play last night called Musical Chairs; more of a workshop performance/showcase actually. And I've had several revelations.

I really, really want to pursue performing arts. I know now how much it means to me. But I will still complete my Law degree. Also, (I never thought I would actually say this, but...) I will come back when I'm done in the UK. I will. The Malaysian scene is developing and I really want to be a part of it. I feel at home here. I've decided to make Shorts II the last production the company will have till I'm back, unless there is someone experienced who's willing to guide Prabu, Sums and gang. And when I come back, I'm going to speak to Jo Kukathas if I can. And perhaps do the Diploma course in Sunway if I can afford it. Wonder if there are scholarships.

The other projects will go on of course, as well as the website, which should be up in 3-4 months.

Malaysia. I'll be back. And when I do, you will feel it though you're numb, see it though you're blind and hear it though you're deaf and dumb!