Journal Entry 04.06.03

Its begun. My laziness is starting to set in and this time around, my Indian Princess isn't on the same course as well to kick my butt when I laze around.

I've not read Sophocles' Antigone yet, and am beginning to develop a habit to write today's journal tomorrow, or more precisely, yesterday's journal today.

Anyhow... I had great fun at class today which focused on theatre games to illustrate the importance of self-observation. Most of the games I had already played before so I didn't feel too awkward at it. Some of the class felt so I think. Not to be mean but I think Suresh felt uncomfortable.

We started with a get to know me and you session: name, why the course and something nobody in the room knows about you. The first two things were simple, but when it came to the latter, wow, most of the class was hesitant to speak. I on the other hand, had it all mapped up in my little brain but just as I was feeling safe and confident, Rey kinda crumbled it and there I was blushing and lying through my teeth with a lame lame sentence: "I woke up at ten this morning." How boring I am. Why could'nt it be something true and exciting like "I survived a car crash three years ago!" or "I was robbed and tied up while staying over at a friend's house in 2000!" or "I know I'm strictly heterosexual but sometimes still check out guys!" Sheesh.

I really should read Woolf's Orlando. For some unknown reason, Tiresias intrigues me, but Orlando seems to be an improved version of him. Heck, for that matter, I really should start reading more stuff. It's been so long since I've read something good properly. Hmm... if only I knew where my Sesame Street Books are....

After the introduction session, we were instructed to walk around the room, feeling the space. I love doing this. Then, we played Tag. As we played, new instructions like stop, freeze (incorporating interesting positions) were introduced. Strangely, I didn't feel like I became a six year old again, but was consciously still of my current age unlike some of the class. I must have really never had a proper childhood and the deprivation is so severe that I can't even try reliving it.

Then came the interesting bit, slow motion tag. It was wow. I felt and was so focused that everything around me kinda evaporated. Not very good if its teamwork that we're looking for but at that time, it was me that I was more concerned about. I realized how my self-consciousness doesn't bug me when I'm fully focused. More Matrix-like moves followed and after sometime, Rey directed us to freeze and gave instructions for non-avoidance, increased physical contact, violence and lastly, a slow motion re-enactment of what I felt was a modern day, gory, violent, frenzied orgy at a Festival of Dionysus -- just that this time around, the women weren't just having fun. They became pest exterminators. What's strange is how I thought they were rather unwise. Kill all the men. Kill themselves too. D-oh. Procreation without men? On a slightly sexual-fantasising mode, I wondered what it would be like to be the last man on Earth. Biblical! Satisfying too! Rock On!!!!!

Good, I'm still capable (sometimes) of outbursts of testestorone.

One of my observations during the session was that the group was quite distinctly divided into two groups -- people who take risks and people who don't. Such is life I supposed. I started off being the latter than realised it was boring and swore allegiance to the God of Risks (if there is one).

Before class ended, we played the game of "throwing the ball at each other". It was nice and easy. I said Fuck (the first in class!! WOWW!!!) Lame-rz unite!

I have a very stupid brain. One thing stuck out like a sore thumb (and invariably it would be something really trivial and dumb). Rey said something about not wanting us to write in the journals so as to please him, but just write. I couldn't help but wander off at the paradoxical quality of his instruction. What Rey really wants is for us to please him in our journal by not aiming to please him in our journal.

Told you I was dumb.

Antigone awaits.