Christmas: III

I met that girl Nadia again tonight - at my mate's place. Most uncanny. Nothing there though, I think my mate and her may have something - a friendship at least. I can't be arsed.

She still laughs at my wisecracks though...

:)

Christmas: II

Am feeling rather low right now.

I got off work a couple hours ago, a 9.5 hour shift; sat at the staff canteen to have some food and ended up puking my guts out in the toilet. The bus ride home was a blur. I don't really remember getting on or off the buses.

I don't know what happened.

How can childish and innocent happiness that surrounds the wonderful Christmas celebrations suddenly get sucked out of one's soul? Well, maybe it's not that sudden afterall. Can't really remember the last time I had a happy Christmas.

No, I do have a favourite memory of Christmas - my family sitting around the dining table, parents trying hard not to squibble, sisters glued to the TV, me watching mum (who looks so tired having toiled in the kitchen the whole day long) take out all the Christmas food and dad carving the turkey. On Christmas eve.

I miss that.

The fiery me has finally subsided I think, I've finally mellowed down.

I don't quite like Christmas actually. But yet, I miss Christmas at home with my family. Guess I always will, till I have my own. Even then, I think I'd still be missing it.

Stop Press
Just received a call from a mate, inviting me to dinner at his place in an hour. I need to cheer the fuck up anyway... Perhaps He had a hand in this. He takes cares of all, right?

Christmas: I

merry christmas bie..have a wondereul day..

You too. Have a happy christmas, the happiest you can be. Wish mama for me, and send dada a prayer for me too. Take care.

I miss you.

A Night Out

British women are really stupid when they are sloshed - but then again, I suppose all Women (and Men) would be.

Went out to meet a friend tonight who was part of my cast for last year's The Crucible. Got to her place at around half nine, and she was quite high already. To cut a long story short, she got really frisky and started basically kissing everyone, obviously not very sure what she was doing - me included - first girl I've kissed since Erica, it was not remarkably enjoyable, though I miss the salty sensation of another's bodily fluids.

She was basically quite fucked. I had more than a couple of drinks too, but somehow I always manage to keep my head straight where it belongs.

Got really worried about her, but had to leave as I start at 8am in the morning at work. Hope she gets home fine.

Oh yah, and I think this chap was trying to pick a fight with me, kept looking at me funny the entire fucking night - I thought he was gay or something - but I think he saw me kissing her and was pissed - not that he's going out with her or anything, she's got a boyfriend and is about to move in with him, hence the night out.

Ah well. Met Amy again tonight after so long, and realise that maybe I do quite fancy her, or at least, perhaps I'd like to know her a little better.

Stupid entry this. Just had to vent a bit.

Muscle Memory.

I had this flashback earlier this afternoon, when I was half asleep. My mind is being real cruel - tricking my lips in feeling that Hers were on mine. It was so real.

Muscle memory.

I've been feeling numb and dead inside for sometime now. What happiness that returned during that brief period she was back here (though not with me, is mysteriously dissapeared without a trace. And now, sometimes, just sometimes, all I can think of is that I will never see her ever again. And my brain, just like an overloaded computer, just crashes. All logic escapes me.

Think but softly of me,
of mine gentle love,
true and innocent as a flock of doves.

Feel but strongly of mine vivid emotions,
Heavy with wanting you here,
Weary of not having you near.

I miss her.

Are you a Porno Star?

It's been a long time since I last blogged - been too tired to write anything worthwhile, really, though its been a real shit 2 weeks.

But it should change now, as the writing fury is kinda back again.

With a vengeance.

Anyway, highpoint of tonight:

Random girl walks up to me in a bar. "Are you a Porno Star?!" I look up quizzically, trying to clear my cigarette smoke - bad idea. The fuzziness would have been more forgiving on her. "What?" I ask. "I bet you have one that (shows length of arm) long and that (shows a not very attractive fist) wide!" She mutters, not just a bit drunk. "Are you looking for one?" I answer, bile rising at looking at her inebriated swagger.

Ah. Drunk Welsh women.

Three Times Fate

Three times have I fate encountered,
the first a brash brush with Death,
as I drove body and soul into a pit,
screeching steel and burning rubber,
blinding lights and a fearful flip,
a crash deafeningly loud followed by a quiet sickeningly silent.

Three times have I fate encountered,
surviving the first few years past,
the second an unfamiliar face in a familiar crowd,
a friendship uncertain in nature,
but a love no doubt could pry apart,
a happiness not even I could deny.

Three times have I fate encountered,
the second slipped away so suddenly,
two and twenty months of blessed joy,
sunk by a moment's hard truth,
present words and actions recent that cut so deep,
better off having ended at the First thought I.

Three times have I fate encountered,
is there more, I wonder; and why.

Chinese Translations

Found this on some random website... It's real Fah Nee!

Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man. Dum Gai

Small Horse. Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift. Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution. Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. No Pah King

Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

You are not very bright. Yu So Dum

I got this for free. Ai No Pei

I am not guilty. Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao?

They have arrived. Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight. Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive. Yu stin ki pu

Haha! Soh Weil Lii Fah Nee!

Belated Announcement

First of all, I am a little miffed because I wrote this entry a while ago, but then my fucking browser decided to fuck around with me and crashed.

Announcement:

I got the Chef's job, after 2.5 weeks of haranguing the Executive Chef.

It's on a casual basis and I get paid 5.5 quid an hour.

Yay.

This post was much more enthusiastic in my last draft.

My Sad Left Eye

Something strange happens when I'm sad.

I tear.

How's that strange, I hear you ask?

I tear. From one eye. Just one eye. My left eye.

Now you see, when I cry, I tear too, but from both eyes. But when I'm sad, truly sad, I have tears only for one.

It starts with a warmth. Always. A comforting warmth. In my eye. My left eye. Then wet. But not so much. Just a trickle of salt and water. Just enough to well. In my eye. My left eye.

And slowly (but surely), it gets warmer, and heavier, till like an overflowing dam it breaks; and a solitary drop leaks and falls, down my cheek. It trickles, like a stream, just born yet dying at the same time, just one teary drop, leaving a warm wet trail behind.

Then as though to rebel against its demise, more warmth, more wetness, fills my eye. My left eye. And so begins the outflow of my sadness.

Catharsis.

But no comfort influxes into my soul. It's as if what humanity I am or have escapes with the stream stemming from my left eye. And all that's left is an empty void. Nothingness. Yet it comforts me.

Catharsis.